A NIGHT CHANGED EVERYTHING….

It all began that night from a simple question a guy had asked from our  group…

“Supposing your best friend you chat with very often almost everyday suddenly stops contacting and chatting you. You asked him or her and suddenly gives you that excuse- busy!

how would you take that?

I read quite a lot of comment that had been contributed and finally decided to add my own…something that has sprung out frm my own experience.

Sometimes we become a lil bit  sentimental in friendship. We do more and so we expect other person to do more too…we love more…n so we yell at the other person to do same. But the truth is that almost sounds close to impossible. We can’t force people to show back love to us in same magnitude and quantity.  I have come to realise that quite often all this begin to happen and if we can be truly honest with ourselves, it all begins when one party can’t seemly draw the line between normal friendship and  a state of admiration or let me simply put it” when we begin to fall in love with our friends”

Rule #1.

People need space no matter what and when they ask for it, give it to them. Hand them their space. We must be smart to know when they ask for it indirectly.

Rule#2.

Remember that your friends world are not revolved around “you” alone…they  have a whole big world of other friends, family, work, happiness, quietness…and so we can’t always have their attention.

Rule#3.

Feelings are visitors, let them walk in and walk out. Let them come and  go. Quite interestingly, almost very start of a friendship is sweet and interesting but  when time and space begin to pass through sometimes it becomes rough because perhaps we become tired of  doing one thing over and  over again….

So stop complaining…let the person be…do as little as you  are required(welcomed) to do and  just be you…honestly we all can’t be heroes in friendship and we must know the length and define certain the path of every friendship.

Our issue can be that sometimes with all effort we want to make some people “best friends or close friends” when actually they are OK just been friends. The fact that you told someone every detail about your life even your greatest secret doesn’t automatically make them “best or close”. I figured out that sometimes we are too quick to trust openness…not all openness means an outstretched hand of a life time promised friendship. Some people will like to listen to you but they can’t fix it, they can’t protect you and may not be the person to make you happy or forget the past and that one too is OK, they are not bad people, it only means they can not walk afar into our hearts.

That’s it…because as we age over the years…priorities begin to shift n change…we become just not too busy headed with  some of all this things. And that truth- if people love you they will make time for you has proven true over a life time.

Last month I was always fighting with a friend over quite same issue… I sat down and analysed the situation carefully n I realised that i needed to know my limit in people’s life, i needed to understand how much of me they were going to take and keep.

And It was absolutely okay if they didn’t need me too much. It was even okay if they did and yet couldn’t prove it. It never meant there was something wrong with me or them. It is just as it is.

And as long as I was concerned I needed SELF RESPECT too…if they needed rest and space.I was going to grant it! If they were OK with us talking every year…so be it! I just  had to define the  friendship..(must admit it was quite a painful process because It changed my perception about people and the fact that you don’t have to expect anything at all. And here I was, one most sanguine girl I had always been began to open up just little…just little till finally i found myself embracing a whole new melancholic nature of total freedom and peace.

Trust me people come in big  surprise. Sometimes they are quick to welcome you and then you begin to trust them, then you become vulnerable and that is when they lose sight of what you are made up of and unconsciously and sometimes consciously they begin to take every bit of it for granted.

But who said change was wrong anyway-many a time we become a lot of different people before we actually settle into who we finally become. But sometimes it’s scary to know who we have finally become, so toughened at heart that we can’t feel deep anymore just because we are scared of getting hurt again…and I realised that it was OK, we just can’t be much anymore.  Maybe we just become tired of being the “sentimental freak”

I have hated that change but a lot of times I had no option, I wish I knew a better way and I realised I have to lose a whole lot more of true friends because I prefer to be coiled into my own pure and genuine solace, my own place of quietness away from the world.

With all this experience put into words I can but analyse that mostly all the time..its a little bit hard to define the friendship between a girl and  a boy at one moment( not all the time though) and the problem is when we can’t tell where friendship ended n love began to grow…and as long as we can’t see where  we really want to belong to we will keep searching for love in different places.

 

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BY JOSEPHINE NKETIAH

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